GROWING BUT FINDING LESS TIME

Getting to where i want is becomming more difficult,between work and lack of a car i am finding it hard to finish projects,But i do find myself getting stronger and stronger.It seems that the prison system had drained my LIFE FORCE and i am NOW seeing more and more clearly.Catching up with lost Brain activity.

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Days of Finding Priorities

What seemed Important when I was Released is becomming Skewed by Everyday Living and Working.DREAMS are Being REPLACED by Reality and I am Losing my Creativity to the Constant need to Work and Pay bills.I am Grateful for the Job but I am being Absorbed into WALMART COLLECTIVE as I Call it.I have now Been Offered Full Time Position BUT it is in a Department that Does NOT see People as I Wish.Much Progress to Re- Gain TRUST has been Done now.Payment of Old Outstanding Bills and Gaining Strength through making AMENDS

Blame

When I blame others I give up my POWER to change,I am in this program because I know I need to change my Destructive ways of Thinking and Poor Communication Skills.I am here to create and Maintain an Environment where I can learn to accept responsibility for my choices
and where I can Freely open up to new ways for PERSONAL GROWTH.

playing Mind Games

While at DACC i noticed the Different Stages of the Program Delt with making the Inmates afraid of anything and everything that Might cause a Ripple Effect throughout the Community.Our Community Consisted of 55 or so Inmates per Wing of DACC .The Entire Building had 279 Drug and ALCOHOL related Criminals.People were sent to DACC if there Offense was related to Abuse of Sustances.Robbery,Driving while Intoxicated Supporting their Habit by Selling their Child,Domestic Abuse,Ect. This place For me Became Fun in a Way because I started playing with their Minds.Wearing my Shirt Inside out to see how long it would take for Someone to Notice,Watching for Helecopters and pretnding the were going to land for my Escape,Writing down the times of the Train whistle would blow and making sure the Group would see me During our Structured Gathering.Every couple of hours we had Count to see if anyone attempted to Leave.Their were no Fences so Basically you could Just walk off and get into a Car if you planned and Really wanted to Leave.One guy from hartford did just that.It seems that the simpler the Mind, the Easier it was to Comply withrRE-PROGRAMING. The Stronger the Mind the Harder to Confrm to their BRAIN WASHING.The Invisible Heleicopter and the Hidden Tunnel wrre also one of my Games I played with them.The SGTS told me to Stop playing games their Minds.I got a Kick out of it.Ki also wrote in the Snow Big ARROW so the Helecopters Knew the spot to Land and I went off the Tracj and made my Own path in the Snow.I could not and would NOT do it their way .I AM AN INDIVIDUAL!

Raman NOODLES

I will never eat Raman Noodles again BUT at the time in Prison they wre a Staple.Prices Ranged Drastically The County Jail was 68 cents 1000% increase from cost
either way the real cost was High Blood Pressure.It was Mostly sodium
1 gram + per serving.The place is a Racket …..I am using the words of one of the
Sergents.I have to Admit that The Sergents were very Nice,they had to Put their Mask on
Or the Criminals would take Over.They realized they could talk to Richter
BUT they also Warned me that they could not let the Others SEE THEM talking to me for my Own Safety.NOT to be Suspected as a NARC.I Played that very well
The Thin Line of Could I be or is he KEPT ME SAFE on BOTH
SIDES.They thought TWICEt.

MaryJo Queen of DACC

When I was sent to DACC after Dodge,I was confronted with a strange sense of Fear from the people in the Program,All were at Different Stages of the program so their Conditioning were also at different levels of Paranoia,The Graduating Class of seniors were so Close they would do anything they could to Stay on course and not fail.Everyone was very Afraid of MARYJO
who had it in her power to Fail you with a Wave of Her hand,Her VOICE was heard Before I was able to See her.Military Stern Grey Haired Woman that was not
Shy of Swearing and Slamming her hand Down as if a Gavel
of a Court room.She could and Did send many Back into REAL PRISON
for Looking at her sideways.So everyone was on edge and watching everyone
else to Report.Every group was checking for mistakes of the other Groups.They were the police of the others.Holding everyone accountable for actions and even holding themselves
accountable just in case someone was watching.If someone did something wrong and you witnessed it and did not Report it,YOU would be just as Guilty as the perpetraitor
if you were seen then you would be reported.The Groups were Self Guided in a way
All the Couselers Did was sit back and Watch.They were reporting to MARYJO
Who was considered by Many as Their HIGHER POWER.The program does Work
if you were RECOGNIZED as Growing their way.GROWTH IS PERSONAL
it is NOT the same for ALL.This was the mistake of DACC.The SO CALLED
EXPETS were Playing as they also learned.But with LIVES!

EVERYTHING TO EXTREME

EXTREME would be what my whole life was and the decades seem to be cutoff points,WHEN I was 11 i was told by my MOTHER, SHE WAS DYING and had Breast CANCER,TO COPE I ATE and in 6th Grade weighed in at 147lbs,someone calls me FAT BOY i stopped eating and lost 33 1/2 lbs by not eating and taking DEXITRIM
DIET PILLS LIKE CANDY,I ALMOST DIED I,I WOULD PASSOUT AND FALL TO THE GROUND GETTING UP OFF THE TOILET.
Each day i lost 1/2 lb. CRAZY HUH? I GOT DOWN TO ABOUT 113 1/2 Before somehow stopping my eating or non eating habbit,I PROSPERED DURRING my teens Because i was the only one i knew who had lotts of cash ,working for my father pumping gas and becomming MGR at 16 always had money and was in the PUBLICS EYE.NOW HARTFORD KNEW ME AS WELL AS MY HOMETOWN OF SLINGER,MANY NEW FRIENDS FROM ANOTHER TOWN ALL THOUGHT I WAS A HARTFORD BOY.THE CIRCLE GREW LARGER AS I FIT IN TO TWO DIFFERENT TOWNS.I WAS MONEY HUNGRY
and SAVED,I WAS ON MY WAY TO MILLIONS,UNTILL SOMEONE SAID I WAS A CHEAP SKATE,I PROVED THEM WRONG AND SPENT MONEY FOOLISHLY,WHO THE HELL DID I THINK I WAS BUYING EVERYONE IN THE BAR A DRINK! MR PRETEND BIGSHOT……….I WAS ONLY SHOWING OFF and NO ONE CARED,I WAS LIVING WHO I THOUGHT THEY WANTED ME TO BE NOT WHAT I WANTED TO BE.FRIENDS WERE EVERYWHERE WHEN I HAD MONEY,MY POCKETS WERE FULL BUT I WAS EMPTY
ON THE INSIDE.